Next week is Thanksgiving, and I think the older I get the more I am starting to understand gratitude.

When I started out doing improv in my 20s, I was so obsessed about becoming famous. So much so that it took all the fun out of it and affected my relationships. Fame was my higher power.

When friends of mine who I started out together in Chicago got success, I could not be happy for them. I took it personally, and went into a deep depression and was convinced I must be doing something wrong.

By the time I was in my 50s, my anger had turned into bitterness and jealousy, and I was ashamed to admit it, afraid what you would think of me.

It affected my marriage, too. Lauren would get annoyed about me about not being grateful for the things that were right in front of me, including our relationship. My life had never been better, and I could not see it.

Then Betsy was born, and after about six months, after we decided to keep her, things started to change. Before Betsy was born, other fathers would say to me: "Just wait. After she is born, she will change you." I didn’t know what they meant. But they were right. It happened gradually.

I can’t even put the change into words, but the long and short of it is fatherhood did change me, for the better.

I am happier. Even Lauren noticed I can be easier to be around. She has said, “You don't seem so obsessed with fame since Betsy was born.”

Thank God. I am not perfect. My desire to become famous still comes back occasionally, but today, I am far more grateful for what I have than I was in years past, and I am no closer to being famous. I would say that is progress.

Have a happy Thanksgiving.

Gift yourself a gift this holiday season. Sign up for Jimmy's Two-Person Scene Tune-Up, happening Dec. 30! Only $79 if you register by Dec. 14. Sign up today!

Thank you for all of the feedback on my most recent blog. I have taken all of your reactions on this post on social media and my website to heart.

Based on your comments and after re-reading the blog, it is clear to me that I could have been more articulate in getting my message across. I also could have been more sensitive and thoughtful in my handling of this topic.

Based on my lack of clarity, I certainly understand some people's confusion, anger and outrage about this blog post.

My understanding of the word "trigger" was that it meant having a strong emotional reaction to a sensitive and divisive issue. For some of you the word “trigger” was much more serious than what I was referring to. Obviously, I was unaware of the broader definition.

I appreciate every one of you who let me know how loaded it is for you. Many of you shared your own stories and examples to help me understand how you define the word.

Also, in re-reading the blog and listening to your comments, I realized that one thing I could have done a better job of conveying is that in my classes, I never want or encourage any student to share, relive or re-experience a personal traumatic experience.

The point I was trying to make in the blog is that in those relatively rare occasions when a student has a strong emotional reaction to a so called “hot-bed-issue,” that those incidents can sometimes be an opportunity for that class to define its boundaries.

Also, I never purposely try to provoke my students or cause them to be "triggered" in classes.

What I was attempting to do was to share my experience that when these uncomfortable incidents occur in class, they can sometimes be an opportunity to open up communication and learn from each other's perspectives.

And finally, using Kavanaugh’s photo alongside the headline as it was worded was not a good choice on my part. I take full responsibility for that and I see now how that just lead to further confusion. I’ve changed the title and removed the photo on the blog on the website to correct those errors.

However, I cannot change the title or photo on Facebook without deleting the post, which would delete all of the comments, so I have chosen to keep the original post up.

This experience has been very humbling for me, and I truly appreciate people's willingness to share their feedback and give me the opportunity to continue to improve.

This blog post originally had a different title, which I have changed. Please see my additional blog post where I clarify some of the points made here.

I believe in comedy we always have an opportunity to heal others. We may heal the audience, people in our group, or more importantly, ourselves.

Certainly, making people laugh is healing in itself, but sometimes the healing gets a little deeper when we do a darker scene or talk about what would be considered a taboo topic.

Because often, when we do scenes about taboo topics, people get triggered. They may have a reaction -- a strong emotional reaction. Someone from our team, our class or even the audience may get upset. And this is actually a good thing.

Last week, I think it’s fair to say at least half of our country was triggered by the Brett Kavanaugh hearings. I was one of them. I felt rage. I was triggered on a whole bunch of different levels, including being a survivor of sexual abuse when I was teenager by the hands of grade school teacher.

Apparently I was not alone in being triggered by this. My Facebook feed was jammed with both men and woman sharing their anger along with their experiences about sexual abuse.

As much as the outcome of the hearing was upsetting, it brought the topic of sexual abuse to the national conversation and it caused to people openly talk about it. And through that, we all healed a little bit.

In my years of therapy, I’ve realized that being triggered, as painful as it is, is actually a good thing.

I believe the same can be true in comedy, and when I have been brave enough to go to the uncomfortable places, I have found that my voice is stronger and my art is more authentic.

Today, some students think "being triggered" is a bad thing, something to avoid. So, they come to the first day of class with a list of the kind of scenes they will not do. (To be clear, I am not talking putting people in uncompromising situations or having to say "Yes, and..." to unsafe or degrading scenes.)

And when these students get triggered, they may run away. I once had a student who was a serious actor, and he could not understand why we had to be silly in improv class. Whenever we did an exercise he thought was too silly, he would roll his eyes and not participate. Being silly made him feel uncomfortable, and he didn’t like feeling uncomfortable.

So, on the second-to-last night of class, right in the middle, he got up and left, never to be seen again.

If something triggers one of my students, I try to encourage them to speak up in the moment so we can discuss it. I believe this is the best way to bring healing to the most number of people.

It always sounds like good idea, but often people don’t feel brave enough to talk about sensitive topics in class. Most of the time I get an e-mail or phone call after the class. Thank God they trust me and the process, because I encourage them to bring up what they were triggered by in the beginning of the next class so we can have an opportunity to discuss it as a group.

I am not going to say those conversations are easy, they aren't, but they do turn out to be incredible learning experiences for everyone, especially for the teacher.

For me, more than ever, I realize that every improv class/group has different boundaries. A group of trained actors will have a different set of boundaries than a group of people taking improv for the first time. And inside each group/class, everyone has his or her own personal boundaries. Someone might not want to be touched, while others are more physical. Some people won't use profanity, while others curse all the time. I can talk all I want at the beginning of the class about boundaries, but it’s usually when someone is triggered and is willing to discuss it that we are able to define exactly what our boundaries are for that particular group/class. If we handle it gently, this can build trust even more among the group/class.

I have experienced this first-hand many times. I had one class where we were doing an exercise and one of the students was hurt by something another student said. They did the right thing and contacted me. We had  a conversation on the phone and the student was brave enough to talk about it at the start of the next class. When the student brought it up in the next class, the other actor felt bad and apologized. The actor who was hurt took responsibility for being triggered, and I believe the class was closer from having that uncomfortable conversation.

What I learned was if the people aren't assholes, nobody has to be wrong, and in this case, nobody was.

Another time an actor initiated a scene by saying something about the ethnicity of another actor. The actor who said it was not only kind, but also was new to improv, and it was obvious that it was not said from a place of malice. However, I was triggered and after the series of scenes were over, I opened the conversation to the class.

And what I got from the students was an open and honest conversation about that scene and their reaction to it. There was no blaming; the student who said it totally understood. I believe in that somewhat tense 10-minute discussion, we not only were finding our boundaries, but we got closer in the process. We were all learning, especially me, even if it takes getting triggered to get there.

Ike Barniholtz is the writer, director and star of the new dark comedy The Oath. Ike improvised in Chicago in the ‘90s at Second City, iO Chicago and The Annoyance. He was on MADtv for five seasons, and also starred on The Mindy Project. Jimmy sat down with him to talk about when he first started out in improv, how he got through the lean years in L.A. and why he decided to make his new film, The Oath.

Today, many improvisers want to shy away from certain taboo topics.

As artists that is their right, and as a teacher, performer and human being, I try to respect people’s individual boundaries to not do scenes about things they don’t want to talk about.

But as a teacher, I also don't want you to miss out opportunities to go a little deeper in your work because you are afraid of what other people might think.

I have learned everyone has different boundaries, and that is where it can get a little complicated in improv today.

Some improv teachers today tell their students that they can’t do scenes about certain subjects, such as race or sex.

But I believe it’s important to not make a blanket statement about what people can and can’t talk about in class. Instead, when it comes to taboo topics, I encourage my class to come to a mutual agreement about where their own boundaries are.

If someone gets triggered by something in class, I encourage my students to talk about it so we as a class can find our boundaries together. Occasionally I will have to speak up, too, if I something happens in a scene that makes me uncomfortable.

This happened a couple of months ago. It was clear to me the player who made the comment was not coming from a place of malice, but more from inexperience. So, after the series of scenes was done, we talked about them and had an open and honest discussion about what was said.

This was a very mature and thoughtful group, so my job in this instance was not to lay down the hammer about what you can and cannot say, but instead to let them talk and find out where their boundaries lied.

I know I learned some things, and I could tell the class did, too. By having a discussion rather than imposing a hard and fast rule, we all became more aware.

Thank God for my students, because they are they one's that have helped me adapt to the changing world of improv. I’ve found younger students are usually more uncomfortable with taboo subjects in class than older students (and older teachers) are, so it’s important that the younger students help guide me on what is appropriate.

What’s important in class is that we not make one person right and another person wrong for what they say. If we come from a place of respect, we can all learn from each other.

Looking for a new approach to improv? (Or want to try improv for the first time?) Don't miss Jimmy's next Art of Slow Comedy Level 1 class, starting Oct. 31! Save $30 when you sign up by Oct. 17.

You know why I think so many people are drawn to doing improv? I don't think it's because they want to be famous, or even that they think they're funny. I think it's because improv gives people a sense of belonging and community, something that gives people a powerful sense of meaning in their lives.

Before I found improv, I never felt that I belonged. Growing up in my family, I was the black sheep. Then I went to an enormous high school where I go lost for four years and never really got involved in a club or activity. I didn’t even have my picture taken for the yearbook; I was an invisible senior.

When I graduated high school, I didn’t have plans to go to college like the rest of my friends. I became even further lost, if that is possible. It was not until I started taking improv classes when I was 18 that I felt like I finally belonged.

Back then, the improv in community was tiny, so it was easy to find your people, and I was lucky enough to do just that at the iO, the Annoyance Theater, Comedy Underground and Jazz Freddy.

Today, the improv community has become so big and the institutions have become larger and larger, so it can be hard to find that supportive community that was once taken for granted. But I am here to tell you that not only is it possible to find your community in improv, it is worth it. That’s why we do it in the first place — to have the sense of being part of something larger than ourselves, to find our community, our people, our tribe.

So, I’ve come up with some tips to help you find your tribe in improv.

1. Before you go to a place to study, go see shows there
   Please, please do your research on the place you want to go to take classes and eventually do shows. Too many people say they went to a certain school because it will look good on their resume, but not every school is for everyone. So, it’s your job to do the research, because you will not find a home if you don't connect to the work. It’s that simple.

   So go and see shows at the places before you make a commitment. Hang out at afterwards and see what kind of vibe you get. Introduce yourself to the performers and other students and see how they respond. Ask where they studied. Is it inviting? Were you blown away by their work? If you are not sure, go back again and bring a friend and ask them what they think.

   Because when you make your decision about where to take improv classes, most likely you will be spending a lot of time and money there, so you better be excited to go there every week.

   When I first saw Co-ed Prison Sluts at the Annoyance for the first time in the late ’80s, it looked like it would be fun to be in that show, and I asked Mick if I could understudy and that started my association with the Annoyance for several years.

2. Start in your Class
   Opportunities to create community often happen in your classes. You just need to look and listen for them. When I look back at my first improv classes, we would often form outside groups pretty quickly. Some groups would die after a couple of rehearsals, while others would end up doing one or two shows together at a skanky bar, and other groups would do longer runs.

   In teaching The Art of Slow Comedy, I am honored when people form groups and do shows after studying with me. Many of those groups have not only done long-running shows but they have formed lasting friendships.

3. Create your own thing
   I save this for last since it’s the hardest, but I believe the most fulfilling. I cannot tell you how many groups and theaters started as a reaction to someone not getting hired or not liking what was going on in another theater. Today more than ever, the indie spirit is thriving in improv more than ever. I am happy about this. You deserve to create any kind style of improv you want with supportive people and have an audience come out and see you. And I would love it if you made money for your effort.

   I am not going to lie to you. Creating your own thing takes a lot of hard work. You will experience a little more creative tension with the other members in your group, but if you are willing to check your ego at the door, you may end up being even closer to the people you work with in that group than on any other team you could be put on.

So go out and find your people. It’s going to make all the difference in the world.

Want an opportunity to find your people? Sign up for Jimmy's Art of Slow Comedy Level 1 class, starting Oct. 31. Save $30 when you register by Oct. 17!

Derek Miller is a master improviser, teacher and actor in L.A. He has done tons of commercials and been a regular in three TV shows. He was in the cast of Opening Night: The Improvised Musical! at the old iO-West. We talk to him about how the L.A. improv scene has changed, how he uses suggestions to make an emotional choice for his character, and why he's leaving L.A. and moving to England with his family.

We are told improv is great for finding your voice. Everyone who markets improv uses that phrase, but until recently, I really didn’t know what people meant by it.

And surprisingly, I am learning this through another art form — storytelling.

After a bit of break, I am back to doing storytelling and I am really loving it. It’s taken years to apply what I’ve learned in improv and to my storytelling, and I can tell it’s working because I am having fun.

I’ve realized that the telling of story is more important than memorizing the piece word for word. Instead, I need to make the connection with the audience and listen to them like I would to my scene partner.

What’s taken me so long to learn is that if you want to find your voice, you have to put yourself out there in all of your imperfection. You cannot plan out your voice like you cannot plan out your next improv scene. It happens by doing it — that’s the secret ingredient in all of this.

You will not find it from talking about it.

You will not find it by over-analyzing your last show or class.

You will find it by doing the work and putting it out there.

If you are a writer you write to find your voice. If you are an actor, you act. If you are a photographer you need to take pictures. If you are an improviser, you need to improvise on a regular basis.

Take classes, look forward to going to rehearsal with your group, and most importantly, do mother fucking shows.

When you are starting out and trying to find your voice, it’s not about quality, it’s about quantity. The quality part will come later.

Just put yourself out there on a regular basis, and then, when you least expect it, your voice will emerge. The sky will part and your confidence will move mountains.

You maybe unaware of this yourself. That's totally normal. Your teammates, teachers and directors will definitely let you know that your voice has emerged. Some people will be threatened by it. Others will be blown away by it. Beware, for better or worse, you will get attention -- the thing we craved in the first place. And that may be uncomfortable. You may have strong feelings of wanting to die. (True story). Get used to it and know these are all signs your voice is getting stronger and more clear, and that is a good thing, not only for you, but for everyone you work with and everyone who comes and sees you perform.

Your voice is your gift to the world. So, let's not waste any more time and get to it.*

* This line was for me. If it helps you great, but this is what I need to hear.

Need help finding your voice on stage? Check out Jimmy's next Intro to the Art of Slow Comedy Workshop, happening Oct. 13. Sign up by Sept. 29 to save!

I love reading books on spiritually as much as I love ones about improv. And one of my favorite things to do is see how spirituality and improv overlap. Recently, I having been reading a book called Love Is Letting Go Of Fear by Gerald Jampolsky, which is loosely based on some of the concepts from A Course in Miracles, which argues that we can all experience miracles when we become more aware of love’s presence in our lives.

As I’ve been reading it, I’ve been thinking about how embracing a worldview of love and acceptance can not only help our lives, but our improv as well.

Here are five ways that we can apply more love to our improv:

1. Every scene is a love scene
   I first came across the concept that every scene is a love scene in my acting classes, where they would explain that even if two characters are yelling and screaming at each other in a scene from a play, they’re angry with one another because underneath they actually love each other. “Find the love in the scene,” the teacher would say. This is true in improv as well in scripted work. In addition to finding the love between the two characters, you can also feel the love that you have for playing a character. For example, if you are playing a jerk in scene, find the love in playing the jerk. I love playing jerks, and when people in my classes play jerks, when the scene is over, the students usually say how much fun they had getting to play a jerk.

2. Make learning your goal
   Grades in school are not about learning; they are about results. And the more students focus on getting a certain grade, the less focused they are on just learning for learning’s sake. I do this in improv when I tell myself before a show that "I have to be the best" or "I have to be the funniest person on stage" or "I have to have a great show." When I do this, I am expecting a certain result that is beyond my control. No wonder I have written so many blogs about the shame I feel after a show. But if instead I say to myself, “Tonight my goal in the show is to learn,” it takes the pressure off of me and frees me up so when I make a mistake during the show, I can let it go more easily. Why? Because I am learning.

3. Come from a place of giving rather then getting
   When I want something from improv -- the laughs, to be the best, approval – I am looking for something to feed my ego. And you know what? My ego can never be satisfied. If my ego is the reason I’m doing improv, I’ll always be thinking of the next thing: “I should join another group,” “This isn’t helping me get ahead,” “So-and-so should ask me to be on their team.”But if I stop trying to get something from improv and instead look at how I can give to others in my scenes, I’ll have a lot more fun and connection.

   There are so many different ways to give during an improv show. Practicing the basics of “Yes, And” is obviously giving, but there are many more. Editing is giving. Giving space to two players on your team who are doing a scene that is really killing. Heightening a scene with a selfless walk on is giving. And every time you do something that is in service to the group, you’re going to feel great about yourself.

4. The only thing that matters is being in the moment
   If you ask me what all forms and styles of improv have in common, I would say to be in moment. The now. Once the show, the scene, the game or the exercise has started, the only things that matters is the moment between the two players. Nothing else matters. If you are doing a scene in long from show, the suggestion doesn’t matter. If you are in class, the directions to the game or exercise you are doing don’t matter. The only thing that matters is what is going on in the moment between the two of you. That is your only priority.

5. Focus on what you and your group or team does right
   This is important to do before, during and after a show. Before our show Jimmy and Johnnie, John Hildreth and I along with our special guest will agree on one thing we want to focus on for that show. We rarely bring up the previous show since that is in the past. And if it is brought up, we never rehash it. We only talk about it with regards to what we would like to accomplish in tonight's show.During the show, it’s also important to focus on what is going right, rather than wrong. That means don’t judge your partners’ on ideas or your ideas on stage. And if you make what you perceive of as a mistake, forgive yourself immediately and pray your ass off to stay in the moment.

   After the show, focus on what went well. This is the one that I have struggled the most, especially after a shitty show. Post-show notes are important, and the positive notes are actually more important than the harsher more negative notes, since improvisers already seem to be pretty good at beating themselves up. Get in the habit of giving the positive notes first before you talk about what you could improve on.

Looking to try a new approach to improv? Experience Jimmy Carrane's unique method in his Intro to the Art of Slow Comedy Workshop Oct. 13! Only $79 when you sign up by Sept. 29. 

Jimmy is really proud to share with you this piece he did for Curious City on WBEZ, Chicago Public Radio, answering the question, "Why is Chicago the mecca of improv?" In this episode you will hear several people’s theories about why this is. Jimmy interviews old friends TJ Jagodowski, Susan Messing and Jonathan Pitts to get their input. This is a must-listen for any improv nerd, and Jimmy secretly hopes after you listen to this episode you move to Chicago.