I Got the Vaccine. And I Feel Sad.
Yesterday, I got my second dose of the vaccine. In two weeks, I should be free. And I feel sad about it.
This is not what I expected.
I thought I would be excited, like my friends who got their vaccines months ago. Yes, I will not have to worry every time I go out the door that I have a mask in my hand.
Or be vigilant about staying six feet away from people in the grocery store and judging the people who don't.
Or constantly going online to checking the positivity rate and deaths in Illinois like some people check the stock market.
I could not figure out why I was not in a hurry to get the vaccine in March like most of my friends, some of whom traveled 300 miles both ways to downstate Illinois to get a vaccine. I mean, I believe in the science of vaccines, but I just wasn’t in a rush to get the shot. I thought something was wrong with me.
But what I’ve realized is that I guess I didn’t rush out to get a vaccine because I actually like being quarantined.
I am a home body to start with, but the pandemic gave me permission to slow down, since the entire world came to a screeching halt.
I was fortunate that I got to continue to teach improv online and got to work with some incredible improvisers from across the country whom I would never have gotten to work with. I got to spend more time at home with Betsy and Lauren.
I didn’t have to commute into Chicago to teach classes. Instead, I just turned on my computer and taught class online from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. and I was home by 9:03.
And the absolute best part was not worrying about my mother fucking career and worrying about who was getting what and what I was not getting.
The pandemic gave me a sense of serenity.
I am sure when my life revs up again, I will forget my pandemic life and go back to rushing around and obsessing about my career, which makes me human.
But, I still have two more weeks before I am free to roam about the planet, and I’ll try to enjoy them, like they’re my last days of vacation.
Thank you for sharing that Jimmy. I share a lot of those feelings - the world can feel too big to be good enough when everything is available. I’m grateful that I was able to join your classes because of the pandemic!
I could not agree more. Well said.
I have come to a similar conclusion. That quarantine was good for my FOMO--the idea that other people have these exciting and interesting lives. I think I'm more fearful of its end because (a) the pandemic is far from over and (b) that I have been much more comfortable living life from home, even though that means no human contact.
We are loathe to leave that prison cell as the place that has taught us so much and afforded so many insights.
Not to mention that you and I are often sad when something good happens to us. We feel robbed when our shame bias is challenged.
I totally agree. It has been so nice being able to slow down and not run from one thing to the next. I got both shots and haven’t been in a rush to tell anyone!