The Friends I've Made in Improv
What I love about improv is that we are part of something that is larger than ourselves. One person will never be bigger than the international improv community. That makes us humble, and it’s one of the reasons I like to hang around improvisers.
We speak a slightly different language than the rest of the world. From the outside, people think we can be annoying, but also hilarious. That’s another reason I love most improvisers. Yes, I have met some jerks in improv, but they always stick out and end up not staying long.
What makes improv so special is that it is dependent on people.
But although improv can be a super supportive environment where people can make a lot of friends, it can also have a dark side. Sometimes the improv world can be competitive, cliquey and judgmental. I know, because when I started out, I was all of those things.
Earlier in my career I was obsessed with fame, and before that, I was obsessed with becoming great at improv. When I started out, every second of my day was consumed with reading about improv, going to shows and taking classes. I was an improv nerd way before I had the podcast.
I enjoyed the social aspect of it, but when I was younger, it seemed like a means to an end. I looked at it as networking (back then we called it schmoozing), rather than making true friends. I thought people were disposable: They were either in my way —because I thought they sucked, and I didn’t want anything to do with them — or I thought they could do something for me.
And God forbid you got something I wanted. Then I would tear you down to make me feel better about myself. The sad thing is I didn’t even know I was doing it.
The last couple of years, however, I’ve started to truly cherish the lifelong friends I have made in improv. Maybe it's age, or fatherhood, or that I feel more secure in my life, but those people I didn't care about 30 years ago, today, I love them.
If you’re really lucky, you’ll make a handful of really good friends in improv, and unfortunately, as you get older, some of them will die.
When I started doing improv, I was in my early 20s. That was 38 years ago, and sometimes I really mourn some of my friends who have passed away.
Over the last 38 years, I blew a lot of career opportunities due to my self-sabotaging and addictive ways, but by far the biggest regret I have was that I wish I had been as concerned about making friends as I was about my career.
"I know you can’t go back," as my Dad would say. But if I could go back in time, I wish I had been less focused on doing a show where I got a million laughs and more focused on hanging out at someone’s apartment or at a coffee shop late into the night.
I used to fight the idea that I was a “softie.” I wanted to be edgy.
But guess what? I’m not. Turns out I never was. Just ask my friends.
Peace and love. And have a great holiday season.