As a father of a two-and-a-half year old, I read a lot of children’s books. I mean, a lot. Not only does she have a bookshelf full of them, but she wants to read them over, and over and over. Some are good. Some are not so good. And some I’ve even memorized.

So when I found out recently that someone had written a children’s book about improv, I was intrigued. The book is called Hank and Stella in Something from Nothing, and it’s the story of two cute stuffed animals – Hank, a dog, and Stela, a bunny – who learn what improv is all about. There are even some fun improv games you can play with your kids at the back of the book.

The book is written by Damian Synadinos, an improviser and improv teacher from Columbus, OH. A father of two, Synadinos started improvising in 2007 after a co-worker invited him to her improv graduation show, and he’s been hooked ever since.

Last week, I reached out to Synadinos to ask him some questions about how he got the inspiration for the book, why it’s important to teach improv to kids, and how he uses improv in his parenting.

Q:  How did you come up with the idea for the book?
A: My kids love to read, and I love to read to them. And after reading them piles and piles of excellent (and not-so-excellent) books, I decided to write one myself. I wanted it to be both entertaining and educational, so that they would “laugh while they learn.” After I figured out “why” I wanted to write a book, I had to decide what to write about to fulfill the “why.” Professionally, I’m a speaker and trainer and frequently use applied improv to help adults “laugh while they learn” various fundamental concepts and life skills. And since these fundamental concepts and life skills are also useful and applicable to kids, I decided to write a book about improv, to be both entertaining and educational.

Originally, the book was only intended for my own kids. However, after producing a single copy and sharing it on social media, it got plenty of positive feedback and attention. Then, after a bit of research, I learned that there were no other improv storybooks for kids. And so, I… decided to make the book available to a wider audience. I wanted full control, so I launched a Kickstarter campaign to help pay for self-publishing costs and finally made the book available for sale in June 2018.

Q: Who are Hank and Stella?
A: Hank (the dog) and Stella (the bunny) are my kids’ real-life, stuffed animal friends (lovies). Since the book was originally intended for my kids, I thought they’d enjoy seeing their favorite friends as stars of the book. However, I think that the Hank and Stella characters are also fun, cute, and relatable to many other young kids, as well.

Q: Any truth to the rumor that the success of the book has gone to Hank and Stella's heads?
A: Unfortunately, yes. They’ve started screening their calls and are looking for representation. Hank already bought a 2019 Jaguar F-type with book proceeds. A Matchbox Jaguar, but still…

Q: Why is it important to introduce improv to children at such a young age? 
A: Because the principles and skills of improv are also useful at play and in life. They can help kids (or anyone!) develop their imaginations, play cooperatively, increase their confidence, and so much more… Plus, kids are usually more malleable than adults. Compared to adults, kids are more willing and able to consider and accept new and different ideas. And so, introducing improv to children makes sense as you have a better chance at instilling good and useful ideas and behaviors that will develop as they grow and help change lives.

Q: What have you learned from your kids that have made you a better improviser and teacher?
A: Many things. Here’s two: Patience. Not in the sense of “they’re trying my…” (although sometimes that, too), but in the sense of being better at accepting and tolerating delay. Sometimes, I observe my kids as they carefully and quietly consider some situation or problem before acting. And in addition, I’ve become better at waiting for them. This has helped me in class and on stage as I am now more likely to consider and tolerate silence and delays. On stage, I used to think that someone should always be speaking, and I’d often try to fill up any silence with noise. However, that’s usually all it was: noise. Not real, meaningful, thoughtfully-considered content. Now, thanks to my kids, I am more aware that silence and waiting on stage (and in life) is natural and ok.

They’ve also taught me perspective. Adults have years of learning, examples, and experience about how they “should” see the world. However, kids don’t. Most kids have not yet developed strong biases, social norms, expectations, etc. And so, their perspective is often surprising and refreshing. And as I enjoy watching them view the world through their untarnished lens, I also get to practice empathy as I strive to see and feel things as they do. And as I develop my perspective and empathy, it helps me on stage as I consider my own character, the characters of others, the scene, the situation, and more – all moving towards a more interesting, entertaining, and successful improv experience. And, of course, enhanced perspective and empathy are important in life, as well.

Q: How do you use improv in your parenting?
A: Lots of ways. One example is a game I sometimes play with my kids that we call, “Or what else…?” In the game, I pose some question or problem and then ask them to think of solutions. Like, “How can I get an apple out of a tall tree?” After they come up with an answer, I agree and then ask, “Or what else…?” Then they try and come up with another (and another, and another) way to answer the question or solve the problem. It is essentially a long game of “Take That Back.” But it helps develop their imagination, creativity, problem solving skills, and more.

Another example is related to the idea of “no mistakes in improv.” When my kids have an accident or make a mistake, I often try to help them think about how or why that accident or mistake might actually be a good thing. This helps teach them that the reaction to an accident or mistake is usually more important than the accident or mistake itself. And it also helps them exercise and develop their perceptions.
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How we look at life is how we improvise on stage. If we can't find the joy in our lives and we look at everything going on in the world as a problem, chances are that is how we will initiate a scene.

I see this with my students in class. They will be on a roll, having fun, when out of nowhere one of the players will drop a problem in the middle of the scene like a bomb and everything comes to a screeching halt. Or they’ll start the first line of the scene with a problem, turning the entire scene to a negative place.

I’ve had this same problem often throughout my years as a performer, mostly because I typically focus on the negative in my life.

But recently I had a great breakthrough around this. I was in group therapy, and I was talking about how I didn’t want to be there because I was having so much fun working on my one-person show, which is why I was 10 minutes late.

My therapist looks at me and says, "So what’s the problem?" This gave the rest of the group permission to pile on.

One of the younger members of the group said, "You always bury the lead. You either present the good stuff as a problem or start with a problem rather than the good stuff that is going on your life.”

“Yeah," another member said. "We only hear what sucks."

I hate to admit it, but they were right. It was like getting that really hard note after an improv show that keeps you from getting a good night’s sleeping. You wake up the next morning wondering: “Why are the most painful notes usually the most helpful?”

I immediately thought about how this applies to my improv. I am often creating too much conflict in scenes, or adding problems that need to be solved.

I am not saying you cannot do a successful scene that starts out with problem or add one into the mix, but for me, it goes deeper than that. It’s about my outlook on life, and we all know by now that our art imitates our life. For me to change even slightly on stage is an inside job. Sure, I’ve been able to cover up some of this with years of technique, but the inside part I still need a lot of work on.

I have never been the type of player who has been able to separate my on-stage performance from what is going on in my inner life. If I don't get enough self-care, it will show on stage. When I am resisting other people's ideas in my life, it’s harder for me to say yes to people on stage. If I think the sky is falling in my life, it’s almost impossible to fake the joy improv is supposed to give you on stage.

This "only focusing on the problems in my life” issue has become part of my personality. There is fear of letting it go because, in my warped brain, it has been a comedy gold mine. And I also suffer from a chronic case of false modesty, in art form that often rewards that. God forbid I tell you my accomplishments or brag about how wonderful things are going. I think you’ll hate me or be jealous of me or resentment me. All things I think I can control.

The truth is, things have been going pretty well for me for a while now. I have been busy making up problems like it’s some sort of short form game. I am married to a great person, Lauren; I have a great daughter, Besty; I have an exceptional bunch of students; and I am having so much joy writing my one-person show.

Makes me think maybe next time I write a blog on this topic that made I should lead with that stuff instead. At least today I am aware of it.

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As I mentioned last week, if you are improvising today, you're probably doing it online -- on Zoom. And what I am finding is that slowing down your improv works especially well on Zoom.

Because improvising on Zoom is more like watching a film or TV show than a theater performance, gives you the opportunity to play the quiet moments more. Also, because of the technology, there is a slight delay when you speak, which automatically gives you an opportunity to take your time and absorb what your partner just said. When players ignore the delay they end up talking over the other players and getting lost in the scene.

So, this week, I am going to rerun this blog about slowing your improv down, and the principles I've outlined below apply to doing improv online as well as in person.

***

A lot of improvisers think that the only way to be funny is to play fast. But I’ve actually found that there are a lot of benefits to slowing your improv down.

I first learned how to play slow improv from Del Close at the Improv Olympic back in the ‘80s when he was teaching us The Harold. I fell in love with that style of improv, because I saw how it helped make my improv more honest. Over the years, I’ve seen long form improv speed up over the year, but I believe there’s still room to play this way. (I think TJ and Dave are masters of it.)

So when people ask me, “What is slow comedy?” I tell them it’s about being really patient on stage. It’s about really listening and focusing on what your partner is saying, and not saying. When you do that, you are really acting, and your work becomes more honest. Plus, I’ve found it makes improvising a lot easier.

Here are the three main benefits from slowing your improv down:

  1. It Helps You Become a Better Actor
    Most improvisers think that their improv skills alone will get them work in TV and films. But what they don’t realize is that many of their improv heroes who have gone on to become famous are also very good actors. I think one of the reasons Second City actors have done so well over the years is that they not only learn how to improvise at Second City, but they also learn how to act.But guess what? You don’t always need to take an acting class to be a better actor. You can accomplish some of those same things by slowing your improv down. By not rushing to say something clever or funny, you’re giving yourself the space to feel your emotions, and also the space to sense what is going on emotionally with your scene partner. This lets you connect to your scene partner on a deeper emotional level, and you become so committed to the imaginary circumstances of your scene that you react to your partner in a natural way, like in life, which is the thing we are trying to imitate.
  2. It Makes Improv Easier
    Improvisers and actors come to improv class with a lot of baggage about what improv is supposed to be. Both actors and improvisers put pressure on themselves to be fast and funny. This is exhausting, and it doesn’t always work. For me, the goal in slow comedy is certainly to be funny, but in a different way. My philosophy is that by slowing your scenes down, you won’t have to invent something to make people laugh, but instead you’ll have a better chance of making discoveries off your partner. Everything you need for a scene is right in front of you, if you slow down and listen. Trust me, audiences want to see you have a good time. They don’t want to see you having to work so hard.
  3. It Makes Your Scenes More Honest
    Today more than ever, we need more honesty in comedy. That is the stuff that is relatable. That is the stuff that leaves an impact on an audience. That is the stuff that gets noticed (i.e. Kumail Nanjiani's The Big Sick or Hannah Gadsby's "Nanette.") Audiences are craving honesty, and that is one of the reasons improv has become so popular. By slowing down your improv, it forces you on a subconscious level to tap into your life experience. If you’re worried about making a quick edit or trying to think of something funny to say, you’re in your head and aren’t really present to your own emotions, so your improv isn’t coming from your heart. When you play slow, your point of view and your personality emerges and the audience gets to know you, without you having to even try. You don’t have to worry so much about trying to be original, because you will automatically be unique just by being yourself.

 

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I love when people reach out to me looking for me to share some of my experience in improv. Recently, an improviser contacted me to see if I had done a podcast or written a blog about what to do if you live in a small town and are unhappy with your improv group.

Here’s what he said (edited slightly to protect his anonymity):
“I live in a small town, and am disappointed with my improv troupe. I want to learn and grow, and they just want to hang out and chat. The next nearest troupe is about 45 minutes away. So I see three options: 1. Deal with it and keep going, even though I'm frustrated with them. 2. Stop doing improv for now, until a better option shows up. 3. Try to attend the one farther away, even though I'll probably not be able to be consistent because of the 90-minute round-trip commute.”

I will now discuss his three options and give him my feedback.

Option 1: Deal with it and keep going
This sounds like a resentment waiting to happen, which, coming from experience, will affect your relationship with the members of the group and your improv.

Improv is small community and even smaller in a small town. If you have not already told your group how you feel, I would suggest that you schedule a time to talk to your group and air your concerns. I have found that whenever I am coaching a team or teaching a class and one person feels a certain way, there are often others who feel the same way they just have not voiced it yet. By you speaking up, you are providing a real service to your group, especially if you stay in the solution.

Try to have an open and honest discussion about your feelings and ask for what you would like without blaming anyone. Remember, no one is wrong. The group is not wrong for wanting to hang out and chat, and you are not wrong for wanting to be challenged.

Remember, also, that the goal in bringing this up to the group is not to change them. You are bringing it up so you can get more information and stay open to the possibilities, just like you do when you are improvising on stage. Same concept applies. You have already come up with three viable options, but there may be many more solutions that you’re not even aware of.

I have been in all kinds of meetings, including improv-related ones, and I can never predicted the outcome. Who knows? After bringing up your concerns to your group, you could:

This is two percent of what might happen. You will never know if you don't try.

What if you have already talked to them about your concerns before? My question to you is how long ago did you bring it up and were you expecting them to change? Did you think you were right and they were wrong? If not, you might want to try again.

Option 2: Stop doing improv for now, until a better option comes along

Based on your email, it seems like you are eager and excited about getting better at improv, however, yes, you certainly can stop doing improv for now, until a better option comes along.

If you are going to take a break from improv, how about using that time to figure out what your ideal group we would be? You could then form your own group that aligns with your vision. Putting a group together doesn’t require a ton of people. It could be one or two like-minded people and yourself.

If you do form your own group, I would hire a coach via Skype or go to an improv festival to take workshops. You could come to Chicago and take an intensive together.

In fact, you may want to do this, even if you stay in the original group because it will help you stay inspired. If your creative soul is filled, your improv group may not feel so important. If you are doing something you feel passionate it about, it might make the other group not seem so life and death for you. Just a thought.

Option 3: Attend a group that is farther away

Yes, this another good option, as long as both you and the other improv group are cool with you missing rehearsal sometimes because of your commute. Again, if you did this and you were being challenged, you may feel fulfilled and be able to stay in your original group as well.

The point is, you don't need to make it so black and white. You have more than three options. I am really excited for you about all the possibilities, and good luck!

 

Have you experienced a similar situation? How did you handle it? We'd love to hear in the comments below!

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Great improvisers are in the moment.

They have no need for the future or the past since they know it will not serve them.

They do not have an idea of how the scene will end.

They thrive on the uncertainty.

They are happy where they're at.

This is the hardest thing for me to do, especially since I suffer from that disease of "what's next?" It’s an affliction that saps my energy, robs me of my joy and steals my creativity. It floods my mind with obsessive thoughts about what I need to do to take my career to the next level. It’s relentless until there’s no joy left in what I’m doing.

Joy is the lubricant that keeps all the creative gears moving smoothly. Without it, life is a grind, and it's a matter of time before my improv is a grind too.

When I was in my 20s and 30s, my “what’s next” disease always cropped up whenever Second City would have auditions for the Touring Company. At the time, I was performing the Harold a couple of times a week at iO Chicago. As soon as I got a touring company audition at Second City, my improv at iO would suck.

I was in my “what's next” disease. I wanted to get into Second City so badly, that everything suffered, especially the thing that I needed most to get hired -- my improv.

As you can imagine, I always tanked my auditions, and worse, I am sure that I missed out on lots of other great opportunities that were right in front of me at the time because I was so focused on the “one” thing that I thought was necessary to get ahead. (That’s another common side effect of the “what's next” disease.)

I have seen this in my students’ lives as well. Last summer, for example, I talked to a former student who told me that one of his goals was to get an agent so he could audition for commercials and TV shows that are shot in Chicago.

When you are starting out and you don't have many credits, getting an agent can be challenging. You send out mailers, hit up your improv friends to talk to their agents, and get headshots -- all in the hopes you'll get representation.

Talking to this former student, I recognized he was suffering from a little of the "what's next?" disease, and since he had a pretty packed schedule of shows, we agreed that he should let go of trying to hustle for an agent for the time being.

I knew that if he just focused on doing what was fun and what was right in front of him, instead of “trying” to get somewhere, things would work out on their own.

And guess what? Last week, when we talked on the phone, an agent came to one of his improv shows and wants him to come in for an audition for representation.

I need to hear these kind of stories because they help remind me that if you're doing what is right in front of you and you're happy where you're at, the Universe has a way of just dropping things in your lap. And those usually turn out to be the best experiences.

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It was one of those cold winter days in Chicago with no sun, which make you question your decision to live here. I sat in a booth in the front window of the S and G diner facing Lincoln Avenue so I could watch the cars sputter around in the dirty, slushy street.

I had ordered breakfast for lunch -- a couple of poached eggs with hash browns and a berry medley from the revolving glass dessert case in the front of the restaurant. As I was reading a copy of the Sun-Times, I heard the words "Second City" and "Del" from the table across from me. So naturally I began to eavesdrop.

It was young guy in his 20s with a scraggly beard and a red and black check flannel shirt. Across the table sat a man in in his 80s. He was short and built like a brick, with dyed blond hair and a mustache and energy like he was shot out of cannon. Even though he'd order a patty melt, he seemed wise.

The young improviser was complaining to the wise old man that he had done a Harold a couple of nights before and did a scene (I couldn't quite make out what exactly he did), and he was very upset that some people in the audience groaned. He said when he left that night, some people sitting at the bar who had been watching the show gave him shit for his choice on stage. Then he was going on and on about how people don't understand his kind of comedy.

That’s when the wise old man cut him off. As he ate his patty melt, he shared an important piece of advice: "Remember,” he said, "a third of people will love what you do, a third will hate what you do, and a third won't care."

The young improviser said "shit," as if the old man had hit him on the head with a two-by-four.

There was a long pause. I did not think the young improviser was going to recover. Really, I thought he was going to have seizure.

“Is that true even when I write a sketch?” the improviser finally said.

“Yep,” the wise old man said smiling.

“What about when I do stand-up?”

"Yep," the old man said again and laughed really hard and long. I started to get uncomfortable. “Especially your stand-up.”

Then the wise old man said, “You’re like my daughter. You artists are all alike. You all want to be liked by everyone. And when you get what you think is criticism your world falls apart. Do you know why?”

I wish the young improviser would not have been so eager, but he said to the wise old man, “No, why?"

"You want to be liked by everyone."

This annoyed the young improviser, which was fun to watch. "You just said that!"

“I am repeating it, because apparently you did not hear it the first time I said it,” he replied.

It was clear he was not finished with his thought. The wise old man took a sip from his decaf and continued to stare looking towards me, like he knew I was listening and he was saying it for my benefit as well.

"You can't control how people react to your art,” he said. “That is impossible. Remember no matter how big or popular you become in any field, a third will love you, a third will hate you and a third won't care."

"That's depressing," said the young improviser.

"It is if you focus on the two-thirds that hate you and don't care, which apparently you enjoy doing,” the wise old man said to the young improviser.

So if you’re like me, my wish for you (and me) in 2019 is to stop wanting everyone to like you. Instead, keep putting yourself out there as much as possible, and only focus on the third of people who will love what you do.

Just announced -- Jimmy's Summer Intensive schedule for 2019! Book your tickets to Chicago now to study with Jimmy either July 27-28 or Aug. 10-11.

If you find yourself with some extra time between Christmas and New Year, you may want to catch up on some movies and TV shows that you didn’t have time to watch this year.

Though, I wish I could have watched more this year, the stuff I did squeeze in this I really enjoyed. So, if you are looking to stream some movies and TV shows while you get over your emotional hangover from spending too much time with your family, here are five things I watched that I highly recommend.

  1. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel – Season 1
    (Amazon)

The first season of this show was a blast. Amy Sherman-Palladino (Gillmore Girls) creates her own world of 1950s Manhattan, including the Upper West Side and the Greenwich Village comedy scene. Midge Maisel is a housewife who, after separating from her husband, tries to make it in stand-up and ends up living with her parents and working at department store.

Naturally, as a comedy nerd, I loved the story lines with Midge trying to make it in stand-up, including a recurring Lenny Bruce, and what makes this stand out from other shows about comedy is the characters and relationships. Alex Borstein as Midge's manager and Tony Shalhoub as Midge's uptight father are just so much fun to watch.

Season 2 just premiered on Dec. 5 and I’ve only gotten to watch the first episode, but I’m looking forward to seeing how the rest of Season 2 turns out.

  1. Neal Brennan: 3 Mics
    (Netflix)

When it comes to stand-up specials, Netflix has really cornered the market. Though Neal Brennan may not be one of the more recognizable names in stand-up, he did co-create The Dave Chappel Show, and this special is really worth checking out. I really enjoyed the premise: Brennan sets up three microphones on the stage and then he does a different style of comedy – traditional stand-up, one-liners and honest storytelling in each mic.

It’s clear that he’s quite accomplished in the stand-up and one-liners, but for me, it was the storytelling part that made this special really stand out. His stories are personal and honest, especially the one about his relationship with his father, and the device of the three microphones works flawlessly.

  1. Won't You Be My Neighbor
    (Amazon and You Tube)

In a year where I did not see many movies in the theater, I really wanted to see this documentary about Fred Rogers, and I am glad I did. I grew up watching Mr. Rogers as a kid, and like most people, I thought he was a kind and gentle man who knew how to talk to kids as people. What surprised me about this documentary though was even though he may have been mild-mannered in his approach, he was not afraid to address topics that were taboo at the time, such as race.

This movie moved me so much, I ended up crying in parts, and I had a new appreciation for someone who had been part of my life growing up.

  1. The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling
    (HBO Go or HBO Now)

In Judd Apatow's four-and-a-half hour documentary about the life of stand-up comedian Garry Shandling, Apatow does a brutally honest job of presenting his friend as a human being, flaws and all, which makes Shandling a compelling character to follow for that length of time. Yes, Shandling was a top comic and the star and creator of two groundbreaking shows -- The Garry Shandling Show and The Larry Sanders Show -- but it is his spiritual journey and his personal struggles that make Shandling such an interesting subject for such a long documentary.

What Apatow accomplishes at the end of this film is what I think what Garry was striving for in his life: that you remember the man more than his body work.

  1. Red Oaks – Season 1 and Season 2
    (Amazon)

    Unlike all the other picks on the list, which were released this year, this show debuted in 2015 and ran for three seasons, ending in 2017. Set in New Jersey in 1985, the show follows David, who gets a job working the Red Oaks County Club during his summer break from college. We follow David and the friends he works with at the country club, as well as his sad home life. Although this show is a comedy, it also dealt with weighty themes like class, adolescent angst, happiness, and the struggle of an artist. Like Veep, this is truly an ensemble show, and every regular and recurring character has great, memorable moments. Each episode feels like a 28-minute film, maybe because some well-known film directors direct various episodes.

Do you have any recommendations for shows or movies you think I would like? If so, please let me know in the comments section below. I love it when people suggest stuff to watch.

Have you taken Jimmy's 3 levels before (or studied at another improv school)? Take your improv to the next level in Jimmy's new Art of Slow Comedy Level 4 Master Class, starting Jan. 16. Early bird deadline ends Dec. 30!

This last year I have returned to doing storytelling shows around Chicago, as well as doing private coaching for some really talented storytellers. And guess what? I am having so much fun doing both. (Please don't tell anyone).

Not only is the storytelling community in Chicago super supportive and nurturing, similar to how the improv community was when I first started improvising, but I’ve also found that many of the skills I’ve developed in improv over the years can be applied directly to storytelling as well.

If you are interested in storytelling, or even if you have to do public speaking or presenting at work, here are three things I have found that can help you make a better connection with your audience.

  1. Use Humor
    As improvisers, we understand how important humor is in connecting with the audience, but unfortunately, many storytellers and public speakers don’t. Even if you are telling a serious story, it’s important to provide some laughs along the way. Why? Because just like in improv, our job in storytelling is to reflect life, and even in the most serious situations, there is some comedy. Laughter creates a shared experience between the storyteller and the audience. Even if you are not laughing yourself and just hearing other people laughing, it doesn’t matter, you are having a shared experience. Humor is the most effective when you are using it to make fun of yourself, which in my book is the true definition of having a sense of humor.  Also, I have found that if a story has some laughs throughout, the conclusion to the story came be even more impactful.
  1. Be Honest
    To me, the Holy Grail of storytelling is to get to something that is both honest and funny. When I was working with Del Close in the late ’80s at iO-Chicago, we would sometimes tell monologues as the opening of a Harold. I loved telling monologues because I could always just get up there and tell the truth and get a laugh. For me, it always worked better when my story was somewhat revealing. I remembering one time I came out on stage as a slovenly 20-something and saying, "I don't like Christmas, because I don't like to give," and getting a huge laugh. I was taking a risk by revealing something about myself that I was afraid to reveal. When you admit one of your faults or shortcomings, the audience can relate to you, and even if you get a groan instead of a laugh, you’re still making a connection.
  1. Use Emotions
    Think about why you go to movies and plays: to feel. When you see a character get upset or excited or cry, you typically don't remember what they said, but you do remember how you felt in the moment watching the scene. As an audience, we want to connect with the storyteller on an emotional level. So when you are telling a story, talk about the time you were so happy because someone you had a crush on asked you out, then show us how you felt. It doesn’t have to be for a long time, but the audience wants to share with you in that experience. Although it’s usually great to show and not tell, it’s also important to include your emotional reaction to what you’re talking about. For example, I might say: “When the nurse handed me my daughter for the first time, I was shocked. I had never seen a newborn baby fresh out of the oven before and they were scary."Sometimes writing it on the page like that can get me in the state and I can later drop “I was shocked” and sometimes it stays in. Either way, I have added some emotions into the story so I can make a deeper connection with the audience.

 

If you’ve never tried storytelling before, I highly encourage you to check it out, even if you just do it once. I think you’ll get a lot out of it, and if you’re like me, you’ll notice that it will help your improv as well. And if you're interested in working with me as a storytelling coach, please let me know!

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As you know, shame is one of my favorite things to write about, since I have so much of it on daily basis. I’m pretty sure I’ve had shame all of my life, but it wasn't until I started to taking improv classes in my late teens that I started to really start to feel it.

Unfortunately I didn’t know what it was until 25 years later.

The most common form of shame that most of us are all familiar with is when we do a show, an audition, or even a class and we do something that is embarrassing. For example, maybe we’re in a play or scene study class and we forget a line or a whole section of a scene. In improv, it could be that we felt we didn't do as well as we thought we should have on a particular night. Or in an audition, we got nervous and it didn't go as well as it had when we practiced it at home in front of the mirror.

When we go to that place of shame, we often think if we quit, we won’t ever have to feel that emotion any more. That is a bold face lie that our shame tells us.

Shame is a hump we can all get over. I know, because I have felt it often, but luckily, I have learned some tools along the way that help lessen those horrible feelings of shame and make it go away more quickly.

Here are five tools I have picked up along the way that I have found helpful with dealing with shame:

  1. Name It
    One of the best ways to overcome a bought of shame is to name it. Call it what it is: shame. It is a feeling as intense as they come, but remember, it’s just a feeling. It won’t kill you, although the stories it will tell you, like "I’m not good enough. I fucked up, therefore I should die," might. These messages will take you down fast unless you can tell some trusted friends that you are feeling shame because of XYZ that happened in your show, class or audition. Be prepared you may feel post-shame shame for admitting something shameful to your friend. It will dissipate, and I have found that it much less painful then keeping the original shame all to myself.
  2. Don't Medicate it
    You cannot drink shame away. You cannot drug it away. You cannot overeat it away. You think by doing any of these things you will avoid feeling it, but it won’t work. Just because you get some temporary relief from your shame doesn’t mean the shame has gone away. It’ll just come back later, like when you wake up the next day, and with a vengeance.
  3. Remember That It’s Part Your Process
    One of the best ways to overcome a shame attack is to recognize that shame is part of the creative process, especially if you are taking risks and getting outside of your comfort zone. I have felt shame after a bad show and have also felt shame when I am taking chances and my career is getting bigger. I used to tell myself that if I was going to be really successful in the arts I needed to never have fear and never feel shame. I know today that is impossible. Instead, I accept that shame is going to come up when I am growing.
  4. Focus on what you did right
    Even in the worst shows, you are learning. Before you take the baseball bat out to start beating yourself with it, focus on the things you did right. If you are having a hard time doing that, focus on your past successes, that good show or scene you did a couple weeks ago. I guarantee that when you can train yourself to start looking for the good, the shame you feel will lessen.
  5. Get Professional Help
    Without therapy and my many recovery programs that I go to on a weekly basis, I would not be able to get out of bed, let alone write, perform and teach. I cannot tell you how many times I have brought the shame I was feeling about something in a show to my group therapy and gotten a tremendous amount of help with it. By talking about it with someone outside of improv, I am often able to gain some perspective and not be so hard on myself.This holiday season, give yourself the gift of good improv! Sign up for Jimmy's Two-Person Scene Tune Up on Dec. 30. Only $79 if you register by Dec. 14!

Oh man, the holidays are upon us, which means we have to start thinking about giving and getting gifts, for ourselves and others. I love books. I love reading them, I love buying them, and if you’re curious about what to get me this year, I love getting them. (Though I really prefer a Barnes and Noble gift card because I also love going to the book store and browsing).

This year I did a lot of reading on various subjects, so I thought I’d pick out my favorites that you can get for someone else in your life or pick out for yourself.

  1. If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?: My Adventure in the Art and Science of Communicating
    by Alan Alda

    I was on the phone with someone who was thinking of hiring me for an improv workshop working with medical residents at a hospital in the suburbs. While we were on the phone she said, "I like to do the mirror exercise from Alan Alda's book.”“What book?” I asked. Me, the improv nerd, had not heard about it. She said that he wrote a book about using improv games and exercises with scientists and doctors to help them become better communicators. As soon as I got off the phone with her, I went to the book store and got a copy, and I was surprised how good it was.Alda is a great writer, and I appreciate the humor he brings to his writing, as well as his passion for bringing improv to scientists and doctors. He draws on his acting, theater and improv background as well as stories from his own life of miscommunication. And what I especially loved was he gives you specific games and exercises you can do. If you teach improv, this is recommend reading!

  1. Lose Well
    by Chris Gethard

    You may know Chris Gethard from his podcast, Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People, or The Chris Gethard Show or his HBO one-man show “Career Suicide.”He started out at the UCB Theatre in New York back in 2000, and he performed with the legendary Harold team The Step Fathers before branching out to do stand-up. What I admire about Gethard is that, like Mike Birbiglia, he has succeeded on his own terms, outside the Hollywood system. In this book, he shares with us the lessons he’s learned along the way and the rules that he created that came from his failures, like having his Comedy Central sitcom cancelled after ten episodes.Gethard encourages us to fail and to fail big, and he helps rewire our brains about our thoughts about failing. Though this is book can be funny at times, it’s not New Age-y and it comes from Gethard’s real-life experiences.

  1. Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear
    by Elizabeth Gilbert

    Elizabeth Gilbert is the author of the phenomenal best-selling book Eat, Pray, Love. And in this straightforward book she demystifies the creative process. It’s full of inspiration in a very practical way.What I took away from her book is that it is our job is to create. It doesn’t matter if we make a living off of our creations or not; it’s important to create just because it brings us joy, and the results are not always guaranteed. In fact, at times Gilbert is so honest about her creative process that the book is sobering to read, but that is also its strength. By taking the magic out of creativity, we are freed up to be even more creative and feel that maybe we are creating for a higher purpose. She is an excellent writer and you can feel that she has poured herself and her process into this book.

  1. Long Story Short: The Only Storytelling Guide You Will Ever Need
    by Margot Leitman

    I often hear improvisers say they want to do stand-up, which can be intimidating and a less forgiving art form than improv. If you’ve been craving to do some solo performance but you’re afraid to try stand-up, I would suggest trying a storytelling open mic instead. And a great place to start would be to read this very practical book on storytelling. Leitman started the storytelling program at UCB Theatre in New York and she was a five-time Moth StorySLAM winner and was the Moth Grand Slam champion in New York in 2011. So she speaks from experience as a performer and a teacher and it shows. Her book is very thought out and she gives you easy-to-follow tips and suggestions to help you go deeper in your stories.

  1. The Law Of Divine Compensation: On Work, Money and Miracles
    by Marianne Williamson

    You know I am good for at least one spiritual book on the list, and this is a good one. I was debating whether I should choose this one or Marianne Williamson’s classic, A Return to Love, but I chose this one because it’s about was so many of us artists suffer from: Lack of self-worth. Williamson bases this book, like many of her other ones, on the Course in Miracles, which she distills down to understandable concepts. I often get fearful and anxious about money, my career, and what should I do next, and Williamson addresses these issue and offers us a spiritual solution. Her theory is that if you want to have an abundant career and an abundant life, you have to change your thoughts from those of fear to those of love. And while that isn’t always as easy as it sounds, it’s a concept that I would love to embrace.What are some of your favorite books that you’ve read in 2018? I’d love to hear them in the comments below.

Give yourself the gift of great improv! Sign up for Jimmy's Two-Person Scene Tune-Up on Dec. 30. Only $79 when you register by Dec. 14!