How to Deal With Your Inner Critic
The inner critic is that part of your brain that, when your improv show is over, finds all of the things you did wrong. It is ruthless. It is rooted in fear and wants to convince you that you are worthless. Its voice is so loud, you believe every word it says.
The Inner Critic is a big fat liar, but knowing that rarely helps.
Last Sunday, I did a Jimmy and Johnnie show with John Hildreth, and our special guest was Sand, one of my favorite improv groups of all time (made up of Thomas Kelly and Mike Brunlieb.) Like most of our special guests, I wanted to impress them and secretly get their approval.
The shows with Sand are always great, even though it’s hard for me to keep up with their brilliant moves. Thomas initiated a scene with a guy bringing back a bottle of shampoo, which was a callback from the first scene. I got excited, and thought it would be funny to say, “Let's stick the shampoo bottle up my butt." It’s bad enough that I went for the joke. It’s even worse that I didn’t get a laugh. Everything I teach in improv, I violated in one sentence. Welcome to my improv hell.
The shame and embarrassment was bad. I even brought it up after the show with the cast. The 30-minute car ride home with my Inner Critic was great for him and awful for me.
The one thing I know about my Inner Critic is when I am spiraling down into self-hate, he wants me alone so he can continue to beat me up for not being perfect. And when I call someone, he is threatened — it’s like I am betraying him. And that’s what I did: I called another trusted improviser and friend, whom I respect and admire and who would never make such a stupid choice like saying “Let’s put a shampoo bottle up my butt.”
He then shared with me that just this past weekend he did a show where he, too, went off the rails.
He said he could not stop himself. I could 100% relate to him.
After the phone call, I felt better. My Inner Critic did not go away completely (I am Catholic, after all, and I need to have some suffering in my life), but I can tell you that it has gone away enough that I was able to write this blog about it.
I can totally imagine myself saying something like that thinking it would impress somebody. Just like this comment: I often take what you share his blog what you say influences what I teach that weekend. I planned on teaching all about Walk ons inspired by your blog. Now I will add in the critic that keeps me from walking on or when I do walk on sticking my foot in my mouth. Thanks Jimmy for reminding me to keep my brain and my inner critic out of these orifices.