Kindness Matters

We are lucky we are in an art form where we get to practice kindness on a regular basis, and where it’s rewarded. In improv, we’re supposed to support our partners, give people gifts on stage, and say yes to their ideas — all things that essential elements in kindness.

The world at large, I’m afraid to say, doesn’t always operate on these principles.

I’ve been thinking about this lately because my daughter is now in fifth grade, which is a time when kids start to exclude other kids. And it’s hard to teach anybody, let alone a child, that if it’s not ok to exclude others, even when some people are excluding you.  

When we improvise we don't have that problem. We are taught to be inclusive. We have to be inclusive or the whole thing goes to hell.

Kindness takes many forms in improv. It's listening, it giving people space if they are doing a good scene, it’s supporting someone else’s idea instead of your own, or giving them a compliment after a good scene or show.

I get to see kindness every time I teach an improv class or workshop. I see it when I have a class made up of a mix of seasoned improvisers and newbies, and they seasoned improvisers treat the newbies with patience and a smile. 

But the thing that makes me the proudest as an improv teacher is when we are doing a long form in class or as a show, and a newbie is so full of fear that he can't get out and do a scene, and then a seasoned improviser grabs the hand of the newbie to do a scene. That selfless act is kindness.

The move will not get you big laughs or even applause. Unless you are an improviser yourself, you will not even notice it. But I do, every time. It’s what we teach. It’s what Martin DeMaat taught me when I was a smart-ass 19-year-old Columbia College student who thought I was learning about improv. 

What I learned is the only way you can measure a move is by how it makes you feel. Helping others is a feeling like no other. Getting a laugh is fleeting, but kindness is eternal. If you are like me and have a big ego, you want to make a difference, you want to change the world. And the best way to do that is to be kind in all areas of your life. It's not always easy, it's not always convenient, but it always pays off.

There's a famous saying from Maya Angelou that goes: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

When I think back on the hundreds of times I have seen seasoned improvisers pulling scared newbie improvisers into scenes, I don't remember anything except the person who did it and how it made me feel: Happy. Joyful. Proud.

I know sometimes improv can feel competitive, but remember Kindness Matters.