I need to write for my mental health. For my sanity. It’s been harder lately, with everything that is going on in the world — a pandemic, protests about racial injustice, and the closing of theaters. When it comes to writing, I have not felt inspired. My muse is A.W.O.L. And during this time I keep losing my sense of humor like my car keys; I can’t find them when I need them the most. I am so grateful that I do not have to perform any live comedy shows because most of the time I do not feel funny.
I started writing this blog eight or nine years ago. It was a suggestion by my then-girlfriend, Lauren, who said it would help market my improv classes. Which it has. When I began, I did not have a clue how to do it, which is often the case when I start a new project. My ignorance helps with the hardest part, which is starting. If I knew I would be doing this on such a regular basis, I would never have started in the first place. The same is true for the podcast.
I have continued to write this blog for the most part because I have enjoyed having a creative outlet, sticking to a schedule and a weekly deadline.
I especially like writing the more personal blogs, and those are they ones where it seems I get the most comments, both positive and negative. I still have a hard time with criticism, even though I am told it is a sign I am getting bigger.
The current world events have left me feeling sad and afraid, and more melancholy than usual. I am amazed that so many of my friends on Facebook can be so prolific and thoughtful, though with my addictive personality, I am trying to abstain from Facebook as much as a compulsive person can.
When Covid first started, I was working really hard so I wouldn’t have to feel. I set an ambitious schedule for myself — a new blog a week, a new episode of Improv Nerd each week, and teaching classes and workshop online, on top of increased hours of child care with my almost 4-year-old daughter, Betsy.
All those things take time. They take creative energy. But in terms of feelings, they helped me not feel the terror of the world. Then I hit a wall. Sometimes the best way to get over the wall is to stop pushing and surrender to it and just use it as pillow and take a rest. That is where I am right now.
I have gone inside and am in self-reflection mode. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting about my career thus far and wondering about the future, which is all good, painfully good, but hasn’t lead to a lot of creativity.
I don’t know what to say here or even how to end this blog. I miss writing and getting your comments, the positive ones of course. I do feel much better after writing this. It gave me a chance to express myself and stay off Facebook for at least the time it took me to write this blog,
Or maybe this blog is long way of saying “Hi, I miss you and I hope you are staying safe.”