This month it’s been nine years since I started writing this blog.
It was not my idea. It was Lauren’s. She thought it would help with marketing my improv classes and workshops.
Like most of the good ideas I get from Lauren, or anyone else, my first reaction was to resist.
So the first blog I wrote was titled “Expressing Your Feelings.” It was short and I poured over it for hours, because I am a perfectionist and I was not confident in my take on improv, let alone life.
It was clear I did not know what I was doing. I had no expectations.
My first blog had some style to it, but I had not found my voice yet. The thing about finding your voice is that you usually find your voice, then lose it again, and then when you find it again it’s usually changed.
The first three years my writing was unsure, self-deprecating, filled with shame and self-pity and not wanting to offend. I was terrified of pissing anyone off. I wanted to be liked — I still do. And when I did offend people, I was always surprised.
I remember one piece in particular that got a lot of attention and criticism on social media and how hurt and afraid I felt. My friends told me it was sign I was getting bigger, but I felt I was being attacked. I felt sorry for myself and wanted to hide, which I am really good at. It is hard to write a personal blog and not take things so personally.
Today, I write with a little more authority and a lot more gratitude. I am less of a perfectionist, so for the most part it takes me less time to whip one of these up.
My writing has changed because my life has. My early blogs were focused on my obsession with becoming famous, jealousy and shame. Those things are still there, but not as intense, and I have family that fulfills me. I am in a committed relationship with a loving and supportive partner in Lauren, we have a beautiful four-year-old daughter and Coco, our cat, who needs more and more attention as she gets older.
I am grateful, a word that I starting using in blogs in the last couple years, that I have this outlet to share my milestones with you, like marrying Lauren, my father dying, and the birth of my daughter, Betsy.
Getting to express myself has helped get through the bad times as well as the good times, because those are harder for me to enjoy.
Some of you have been moved by my blogs and have written very kind and thoughtful comments to me about my writing that have left me a little overwhelmed at times, and I wish I was better at writing back.
I am proud that I have written this blog this long, and believe me, if it was my idea, I would have stopped after the first one. I want to thank Lauren, all the people who have written guest blogs over the years, and you for reading it. It’s nice to have fans. And I hope I keep going.