How I Said 'Yes' And Almost Moved to Australia
As someone who has been an improviser and an improv teacher for the last 30 years, I have seen "Yes, and..." work on stage and in the classroom. But in my own life it's a slightly different story.
A couple of months ago, I auditioned for a big, leading part in a hugely popular TV show. I had recorded my audition and felt I had done a good job. Even my agent said I did a good job. Several weeks went by with no word.
Then I was sitting on an airplane on the runway at the Miami airport about to come home from our summer vacation when my agent called me out of the blue and said, "They liked what you did. Do you have a passport? Would you be willing to go to Australia for three months?"
Me: A very long pause. Lots of fear. What I wanted to say was, “No. No way.” But thank God I didn’t blurt that out. Instead, I got enough courage to say, "I need some more time to think about this."
Immediately, I was terrified. This would be lots of money and lots of exposure, which would be amazing, but definitely not on-brand for me. And, I’m ashamed to admit this, but I’ve never been out of the country (except going to Montreal in 7th grade), so the thought of flying across the world to a foreign country was enough to make me want to jump out of the plane right there.
But I didn’t want to make the same mistake I have been making for years – which has been to turn down perfectly good opportunities out of fear.
When I was in my 30s, I had gotten the chance to have an audition for Saturday Night Live in New York. I had a plane ticket and a hotel reservation, but on the day of the audition, I freaked out and didn’t show up at the airport.
I wasn't only scared, I was a mess, and I certainly didn't have a network of people I could call for advice. Instead, without consulting a single person, I said no.
My therapist disagrees with me, but I don’t think I ever would have landed that role on SNL anyway, but I regret not at least going to New York to have the experience of auditioning.
All artists need new experiences. That fact that they are new makes them frightning. If we don't get out of our comfort zone, creativity dries up. Even knowing this, I still resist the thing that feeds my creativity the most.
So, when it came to making a decision about Australia, instead of listening to my gut, which has been lying to me for years, I started working the phones, calling improvisers, actors, other teachers and people whom I genuinely respect and asked for their advice about what to do. Over the next few days, I called at least 20 people, and when I was finished, at least 18 of them said go for it.
I was still terrified, but I was closer to saying yes to the opportunity than I had been three days before.
Could these people actually have my best interest in mind, even when I didn't? Could I trust them even though I was scared shitless? Could I take in the love and support from my wife and daughter who were willing to go to Australia with me for three months?
Five days and 31 phone calls later, I got to “Yes.” I called my agent and told him I was willing to take the next step in the audition process. And me and my wife and my daughter all went and got our passports, just in case it worked out.
Two weeks later I got an email from my agent saying I was out of the running for the part.
For three weeks, I had lived in uncertainty and excitement, and now it was coming to end.
My family was disappointed. I was a wreck. What was so surprising to me was if I had said “No” immediately, I would have felt relieved, but getting rejected after a whole army of people had helped me say yes left me devastated. I guess I wanted the job more than I thought.
So, no, I did not get the life changing job. I got something more than that -- support from my family and friends, which was something I did not think was available to me. And maybe the next time a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity comes along, I will say yes more quickly. And if not, I have the best wife, daughter, and friends that any person could ask for.